90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
