quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
