Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
MIDGETS
????
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
