I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
