um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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