Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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