just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
