and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
