Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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