According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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