Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
