I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
