you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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