I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
