Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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