I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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