I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
