Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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