I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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