You can't special order awesome
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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