That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
