Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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