Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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