the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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