We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
