Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
