She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
