he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
