wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
