I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
