is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
