Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Alive.
So much puke
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
