3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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