It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Boobs speak an international language.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
pray to the hookup gods
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
