U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
