Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
