Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
