he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
