I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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