I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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