hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
