i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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