just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
