Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
