I can tuck mytits in my pants
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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