I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
