So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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