He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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