I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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