If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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