When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
