I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
