i will never coherently bang her
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
