All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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