I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
