It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
