In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have aggressive nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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