Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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